if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Your cock deserves a montage
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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