Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
