yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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