They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
