In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
