You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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