No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
