i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
