I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
