We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
