You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
