Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize