Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
