she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
