Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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