She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
