Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
