he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
