What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
