I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize