My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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