My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
