I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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