we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
