I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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