dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
