Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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