I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
