You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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