Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
