apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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