I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
