member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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