As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
