Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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