im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
