On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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