I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
