I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
