I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
