brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
