um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Two words: nipple clamps
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