just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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