honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
