12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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