I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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