I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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