i permit you to call me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
