Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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