yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
