Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize