coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
