u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
