I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
