I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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