IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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