Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
