You can't special order awesome
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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