Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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