forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
