My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
