I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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