yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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