All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wear drunk well.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
