$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
