After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
