So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize