She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
