And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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