if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
