I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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