I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
