garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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