Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
