If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
