Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
