Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize