Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
