a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
