He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
