I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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