I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
